Archive for the ‘Freedom’ Category
A story by Sholeh
See below for an inspirational article from Sholeh with some tips to help you be true to yourself and “bloom wherever you are planted.” I asked Sholeh if I could share this article so that others can benefit from her powerful journey. This is part 2 of 2.
Following are a few key points that I’ve been paying attention to and constantly working on. I am not the one who has come up with any of these concepts, ideas, and lessons. These are just a few concepts that I’ve gathered from many resources. Thanks to the creator of all of those great sources of information I’ve been able to make significant changes to many aspects of my life.
- Learn to let go: I can’t control everything and I am OK with that. I have to let go of things that are out of my control.
- Change yourself: I can’t change others. The best that I can do is to change myself.
- Run your own race: I don’t need to compete with others and run their race. I need to concentrate on my own race.
- Don’t try to make everyone happy: it is impossible to make everyone happy or expect everyone to like me. It is OK if there are people on my path who don’t like me or are unhappy with me.
- Treat others the way you like to be treated: this one sometimes fires back but I still keep in mind that all I can do is to be honest and treat others fairly. It doesn’t mean that they are going to treat me the same way, but at least I’ve done my part.
- You don’t have to accept every challenge and try to resolve every issue: It is OK to say ‘No’. This was one of the hardest concepts for me to digest.
- Be the best you can be: I try to be the best that I can be and sometimes that is not enough in someone else’s eyes. But that is OK!
- See positive in any situation: I thought I was good at this until I discovered that I was lacking in this area. Working more on this has made a huge difference in my life.
- Don’t blame yourself: I used to blame myself in lots of situations. Whenever something went wrong I would question myself about what have I done wrong. I’ve learned that I should stop blaming myself even if I’ve done something wrong. I should learn the lesson from the mistake that I’ve made and move on. Guilt is not a helpful emotion.
- Pick your battles: I’ve learned that I can’t fight every battle that life throws at me. I need to pick my battles and accept the fact that I might not win the battle that I pick. The most important thing is to try and even if I fail, at least I’ve tried my best.
- Know who you are and who you are not: Like lots of people I sometimes see myself as others define me. As a result of that, I forget who I really am. I have started reminding myself who I am no matter who other people say I am.
- Celebrate yourself: I used to be so harsh on myself whenever I made a mistake or failed in doing something. Due to my own high expectations of myself I didn’t celebrate and congratulate myself for my accomplishments because they didn’t seem much to me. I’ve learned to be less harsh on myself and more encouraging.
- Appreciate each day as if is your last day: All I can say is; life is too short. I am doing my best to acknowledge the present moment and live my life the best way that I know how at the present moment and not to wait for a time in the future for life to begin.
- Be kind to others even if they are not kind to you: I have to say, some people don’t make it easy to be kind and nice to them. But I am trying my best!
- Accept that you are different: I am finally OK with being different and not to fit in. This is the best news for me because I don’t feel that I have to be like others to fit in. It is ok that I don’t fit in the frames that others define for me.
I can continue on for pages and list all the things that one can change about him/herself, but I think you get my point. I wish you all the best for whatever path you have chosen in your life.
A story by Sholeh
See below for an inspirational article from Sholeh with some tips to help you be true to yourself and “bloom wherever you are planted.” I asked Sholeh if I could share this article so that others can benefit from her powerful journey. This is part 1, stay tuned for part 2.
The journey of my life has been a very interesting and challenging one. Like most of you, it has had many ups and downs. At times I have felt trapped, chained, and discouraged. But I know one thing; Life goes on. These are just a few lines of one chapter of my life’s book. My hope is that something in these lines inspires you and helps you to move forward on your journey.
For a lot of things change doesn’t happen overnight. What I would like to share here is how changing something small can have a huge impact in your life. Let me explain what I mean.
I am no expert and I am not qualified to give you instructions on how to live your life, or what you need to do to achieve your goals. However, I am definitely a certified expert about my own life. I know all about heartbreaks, unfair treatments, negative emotions, disbelief, and the list goes on and on.
I’ve been hearing and reading about this for a long time; happiness comes from within. I logically understood it but didn’t take it to heart. And then one day it hit me; I should do something about my own emotional chains and I am the only one who can set me free.
Have you noticed that making a change is not necessarily an easy thing to do even if it is the right thing to do? Well, I have.
As I said earlier, change usually doesn’t happen overnight. I am talking about making a change in your character, belief system, how you view challenges, how you react to negative events, how you judge situations and others, etc.
To explain this better, let’s talk about your physical health first. If you want to get healthier and get fit you start working out, eating healthier, trying to get enough sleep, etc. Now say you’ve worked at it really hard for couple of months or years and then stopped working out and didn’t pay attention to what you ate or how much you exercised. Logically, your body can’t stay as healthy as it was when you were paying attention to exercise, food and other factors. And even worse, you might fall back to be unhealthy. So you have to keep taking care of your body by exercising, eating healthy, and being aware of the factors that impact the well-being of your physical body. You need to get into the habit of living a healthy life.
I believe the same concept applies to the health of your mind and soul. Sometimes you need to exercise your emotions and/or go on a mind cleanse. That’s what I’ve been doing. I started reading books and watching programs that help me understand human mind and emotions better. I became more aware of my ego and started watching how I react to situations, challenges, and day to day drama. I am talking about years of keeping at it and not just for a season or a reason!
I wish you all the best for whatever path you have chosen in your life.
The Second Life Practice of Reflection
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As we head into a busy holiday season, it is truly imperative that you build on the practice you learned in my last newsletter, Stillness. If you missed it, take the time to click here to have a listen. I promise it will help you move into this next season in a more settled, joy-filled way. Now, let’s build on Stillness by learning the second Practice of Reflection.
“…look inward to practice conscious, mindful observation and discover yourself.”
“If we still ourselves we can mirror the divine perfectly. Neither the moon nor water make any effort to achieve reflection.” The Tao
Reflection is healthy soul-work that brings meaning and purpose to our lives. Use the following questions to guide your thoughts (if you don’t ”be” on purpose with your thoughts, they will take you where you may not wish to go).
- When I am at my best, what am I creating around me? What are others experiencing from and with me?
- What life practices help support me to be my best? When was the last time I actually “practiced” one of these? This is about purposeful intention.
- What “body” supports reflection – try changing the way you are sitting or standing in this moment. Allow your breath to drop into your belly, and your shoulders to drop to where they most naturally want to sit.
- How about the way you move into action? Can you do this by bringing “reflection” with you? Or do you find yourself breathing high up in your body, moving quickly and bypassing the joy of life around you. Each moment is about bringing the body of reflection in balance with the body of action. What does that feel like to imagine it?
- Now practice what it actually feels like to “be” in it…
Write back and let me know what comes up for you. In the meantime allow the body to be “in” center and stability, allow your mood to find serenity, peace and acceptance, bring your emotions to love and compassion, and hold kind, respectful conversations with yourself!
Until next time
& and the Unbridling Herd
This is the 3rd article in our series on Emotional Brilliance. This month I am writing to you about the power of fear. Many of the women who come to work with me have become paralyzed by fear as their inner voices have convinced them that fear is their worst enemy. The emotional brilliance series is focused on helping each of you to understand the gift of emotions within your life. In my coaching with horses sessions, I often share that I believe fear can be our best friend. Here’s your coaching practice for this month:
- Begin with some quiet breathing and still your mind
- Journal a list of all those things in your life that you are afraid of; don’t wordsmith, just allow the words to fall out of the end of your pen
- Look at this list and ask yourself these questions:
- What if I allowed myself to embrace my greatest fear, what would that give me?
- If being vulnerable by asking for someone’s help could support me in moving forward, whose help would I ask for?
- What’s underneath what I have written? Is there a theme, something that keeps showing up?
- What do I notice when I read this list? Do I notice a shift within myself?
- What could that shift be wanting me to notice?
- Is there a story that keeps running through my mind? Something I keep choosing to believe about myself, someone else or this situation?
- If I could give fear a reasonable voice, what would it be helping to see?
Fear requires movement in order to dissipate. If we become paralyzed or stuck because of fear, it will manifest in lost dreams, potential illness and certainly loss of joy and happiness.
Just take these baby steps outlined above and see what shifts in you. Remember always our good friend N.O.R.A. – notice, observe, release and allow. This is where transformative change begins.
Have a wonderful fear-filled month and allow it to be your best friend! Just imagine what you will be able to do with that power.
Much love to you,
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In my heart-mind coaching practice, I remind my clients about the distinction between noticing, observing and releasing versus the thing we are all being told to do these days, “just let that go”. I don’t know about you, but to just let something go feels very difficult. I am convinced that trying to let something go digs it deeper into my conscious mind (not to mention my sub-conscious mind). My ego has a very hard time to just let something go. It LOVES the feeding frenzy. So…how about this instead:
When I find myself “chewing” over something, clearly there is something that is bothering me. I would like to learn more about myself in the bothering me phase. What is bothering me and what reaction does it cause in me? Where do I find that my thoughts take me? What struggles does it create?
If I just let it go (which actually I can’t say I have ever REALLY been able to do), have I devalued the lesson or even missed it? Perhaps.
Here’s a new practice to try.
Instead of trying to let it go, replace it with “I notice myself in this place. I observe the reactions and responses I am feeling. I challenge myself to explore the message behind the feeling; what is it trying to tell me – perhaps there is a nugget of wisdom here. And then I release. This happens from my body using my breath to exhale the feeling out into the world and move into my place of center.
Try this today, Notice, observe, explore and then release. Just allow, don’t try to DO anything.
Blessings for a wonderful Sunday!
Watch this video clip and see how great leadership inspires change in the world. A simple yet profound way of stepping out in the world through movement. Einstein said “nothing changes without movement.”
Move through the world today with grace and dignity (and some out there movement!).
I am coaching a lot of women these days who tell me they feel like their resilience is at capacity. In other words, they don’t have any! What this means is that they feel like they have no bounce-back-ability. Their coping mechanism feels stretched to the point of breaking.
Often at this point, they break down in tears and begin the dance of “sorry”. Apologizing for emotions, particularly tears simply adds to the challenge. Remember this emotion is the one that is about loss. We are about to lose something that is in our best interest. Letting go of trying to be all things to all people at all times just won’t cut it.
So what to do when you feel stretched too thin? Here are a few easy “practices” to consider:
Did you know that behind every complaint there is a commitment or standard that has not been met? Think about it for a few minutes. Everytime you have complained about something, isn’t it because you were invested in a different outcome or action. Perhaps you thought it might have been done a different way (and most of us have lots of ideas about this, I am sure!)
Is there a way that you could use complaining to actually achieve a different result? What would this give you?
Try these 6 easy steps and see what shows up for you.
Step 1: Get consciously aware of what is it that is missing for you; determine the importance of it in the whole scheme of life. Sometimes balancing your perspective will give you a different perception of the situation.
So what’s not happening in your life that you would like to happen? What stories are you creating about the motivations and intentions of those around you? Where are you struggling needlessly?
This is one “skill” I coach all my clients to use. It has been one of the single most powerful ways that I have created freedom in my life and those of hundreds of my clients.